Episode 103 · Fatherhood

Sending Your Agents Into the World: Harvey Laguerre on Fatherhood, Vulnerability, and Showing Up

Guest: Harvey LaguerreThe SkilledDad Podcast

About This Episode

Zach sits down with Harvey Laguerre — dad of four (two biological, two bonus), host of the podcasts Men Are The Prize and Love Is Black, and a men's coach through Inspire The Prize. Harvey shares a hard story: an absent-but-present father, parents who divorced when he was 10, failing out of college, and a suicide attempt that became the turning point where he decided he was worth it. From that low point he rebuilt his identity, learned to forgive his father before his first child was born, and now intentionally models honesty, vulnerability, and healthy conflict for his kids — the "agents" he sends into the world. The conversation lands on two themes Zach and Harvey both hammer: kids learn far more from what we do than what we say, and the antidote to the loneliness epidemic among men is simply getting men talking to each other. Harvey closes with a direct message to any man in a dark place: someone's day is brighter because you show up, so stay.

What You'll Take Away

01

You can't father well until you know who you are.

Harvey had to rebuild his own identity and sense of worth before he could be a good husband and dad. Doing the inner work isn't selfish — it's a prerequisite.

02

Forgiveness is for your kids, not just for you.

Harvey dropped years of hatred for his father before his first child was born because he refused to let that hate "sprinkle onto" his kids. Carrying resentment gets passed down.

03

More is caught than taught — you're always modeling something.

Kids are sponges. How you open the door for your wife, how you argue, how you apologize when you're wrong — all of it is being absorbed and will show up in how your sons treat women and the men your daughters choose.

04

Teach your kids how to argue.

A home where parents never disagree isn't teaching healthy conflict resolution. Harvey and his wife disagree in the kitchen in front of the kids — no violence, no yelling that crosses a line — so his daughters know a husband and wife can argue safely and his sons know how to handle disagreement.

05

The presence gap is real.

Being physically home isn't the same as being present. Harvey names the moments when he's "home but not here," and works to close that gap the way his own father never did.

06

Men connect through a sliver of common ground.

Sports, wrestling, trivia — men just need a small opening and friendships form. The goal is getting men comfortable talking about anything, so they're ready to talk when real struggles hit.

The 18 summers that you get with your kids. That's really fast.
— Zach

Put It Into Practice

Block recurring, protected time for your kids on your calendar the same way you block work meetings — and put the phone/laptop down during it.

The next time you're wrong with your kids, apologize directly and specifically ("I was completely wrong, I'm sorry") so they learn it's safe to be imperfect.

Have one honest disagreement with your spouse in front of your kids and resolve it calmly, modeling that conflict doesn't have to become yelling or worse.

Find one thing that's just for you (a hobby, a team, a topic) and use it as an on-ramp to build a friendship with another man this month.

Identify one man in your circle who might be struggling and reach out this week — text or call about anything low-stakes to open the door.

One Email a Week. Worth Your Time.

Practical skills, real stories, and one thing to actually do this week with your family. Written by a dad in the trenches, not a marketing department.

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