Zach sits down with Timothy Reigle — funeral director by trade, girl dad of a 19- and a 15-year-old, author of Living Porn Free, host of the Into the Wilderness podcast, and co-author (with Jerry Adams) of Men of Grit: Into the Wilderness, a 40-day challenge launching days after this recording. The book was born around a bonfire: two friends with one book each realized men don't need more philosophy, they need a day-by-day action guide. The conversation covers why men aren't having deep conversations (no opportunities, and fear of vulnerability), why men bond by doing hard things together rather than by talking, and the eight "principles of a man of grit" that structure the book. Then it goes somewhere this podcast hasn't gone much before: Timothy's own 15-year porn and sexual addiction, the infidelity that should have ended his marriage, and the reframe that finally freed him — porn addiction isn't about pleasure, it's about escaping pain. It's an emotional wound, not a discipline problem, which is why willpower alone fails at the two-week mark. The episode lands on the David-and-Nathan story: every man needs a Nathan who will tell him the truth, and every man needs to be one.
Guys hear podcasts, read books, debate principles — and stay stuck in analysis paralysis. The 40-day challenge format exists because most men know what to do and never do it.
Lack of opportunity (there are almost no settings where men gather just as men) and fear of vulnerability. Timothy found the fear is backwards: the more he opens up, the more other men say "I'm so glad somebody finally said it."
Shared struggle — teams, projects, embracing the suck together — builds the trust that makes hard conversations possible later. You can't cold-start vulnerability with a stranger.
Timothy met his co-author through an online men's group (Fraternity of Excellence), then took it to in-person meetups. Digital community only counts if it moves into real life.
Everybody knows that's empty. Pull up the phone calendar and put a date on it before the conversation ends — that's literally one of the book's daily challenges.
It's an emotional escape learned young, triggered for the rest of your life by anything that resurfaces the original wound — rejection, insecurity, not feeling good enough. That's why discipline alone always loses eventually.
True relationships and true community... men aren't having deep conversations to improve their lives. They're not challenging each other on how they become better dads, better husbands, better leaders.
Before the day ends, put one man-to-man hangout on the actual calendar — breakfast, a drink, a bonfire. No "sometime." A date.
If there's no group near you, start one: two or three guys, once a month, any garage will do. End every gathering with a real "how are you doing?" around the room.
Audit your escapes. Porn, alcohol, food, work — identify what you run to and ask what you're running from.
If porn is the battle: stop treating it as a willpower problem. Trace the trigger back to the wound (rejection, insecurity, fear) and get help healing that, not just quitting the symptom.
Identify your Nathan — the man unafraid to call you out. If you can't name one, that's the first problem to fix. Then be one for somebody else.
Practical skills, real stories, and one thing to actually do this week with your family. Written by a dad in the trenches, not a marketing department.
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