Episode 021 · Fatherhood

Be the Room: A Young Dad on Presence, Selflessness, and Surviving the Hard Stuff

Guest: Eli MattesonThe SkilledDad Podcast

About This Episode

Zach sits down with Eli Matteson, a 26-year-old barber and dad of three (with a third baby due any day), in what may be the show's first video episode. Eli is one of the listeners who reached out after the podcast, and his story covers being a young dad with three kids under three, choosing family time over high-paying-but-all-consuming jobs, and the hard road through a miscarriage that pushed him toward drinking and blaming his wife before an honest reckoning pulled him out. His core fatherhood advice is simple and concrete: be present ("don't just be in the room, be the room"), be selfless, and protect your "you time" so you don't become the angry, resentful dad. It's an honest, ground-level conversation about exhaustion, faith, and showing up for your kids even when you're worn out.

What You'll Take Away

01

Be present, not just physically there.

"Don't just be in the room, be the room." Kids don't care what's on the TV — they care whether you're on the floor with them.

02

Be selfless, but don't sacrifice your "you time."

Giving up all of your own renewal makes you the resentful, angry dad. Protecting one night for yourself is an investment in your family, not selfishness.

03

Choose family time over jobs that consume you.

Eli walked away from high-paying overtime work (151 hours in two weeks) because never seeing his pregnant wife made having a family pointless.

04

After loss, don't blame your wife.

Following a miscarriage, Eli realized he was silently blaming his wife. Naming it, apologizing, and grieving together pulled him out.

05

Learn from bad examples too.

Toxic, yelling work environments taught Eli exactly how he does NOT want to communicate with his kids — get down on their level instead of yelling down at them.

06

Adapt your systems when they fail you.

After forgetting his son for 40 minutes, Eli changed his routine (laying out clothes the night before) to free up time for his family.

Don't just be in the room, be the room.
— Eli Matteson

Put It Into Practice

Get on the floor and play with your kids tonight — fully present, phone down, no "one second" stalling.

Pick one recurring night (weekly or monthly) for guaranteed "you time" and put it on the calendar with your spouse's buy-in.

Lay out your clothes the night before to reclaim morning minutes for your kids instead of getting ready.

If you've experienced a miscarriage, have the honest conversation with your wife — name any blame you're carrying and grieve it together.

If you're struggling after a loss, take your wife on a date, then find one dad who's been through it and talk to him.

One Email a Week. Worth Your Time.

Practical skills, real stories, and one thing to actually do this week with your family. Written by a dad in the trenches, not a marketing department.

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