Episode 016 · Fatherhood

Working With Your Hands, the Infertility Journey, and Getting Out of Your Comfort Zone

Guest: Alex SternThe SkilledDad Podcast

About This Episode

Zach sits down with longtime friend Alex Stern, dad to a 17-month-old, for an honest conversation about the road into fatherhood and what it's teaching him. Alex shares the five-plus-year infertility journey he and his wife Melissa walked through, the curveball of a COVID-era NICU birth, and the practical, hands-on philosophy he picked up from his dad and grandfather. There's a real thread here for any dad: how to support a friend going through infertility (listen, don't fix), why working with your hands resets a guy stuck behind a screen all day, and how a kid forces you out of your comfort zone whether you planned for it or not. It closes with a reminder that the clock on raising your kids is already running.

What You'll Take Away

01

Infertility is far more common than dads talk about.

Knowing "it's not just you" and that it's not something you did wrong is itself a relief to people in the middle of it.

02

Support means listening, not fixing.

When a buddy is struggling, the instinct to solve it gets in the way. Skip the empty "it'll happen for you" platitudes and just be there.

03

Working with your hands feeds something a desk job can't.

Tangible problem-solving (fixing a car, redoing cabinets) taps into a primitive part of the brain and counters the mental drain of a virtual, stop-and-start workday.

04

Most "intimidating" repairs are more approachable than you think.

With ramps, basic tools, and YouTube, you can change oil or brake pads yourself — just don't bite off more than you can chew on safety-critical work.

05

Kids force you out of your comfort zone every single day.

— the park, the kids' gym, the people — and that growth is part of the job.

06

The clock is running.

"I don't want to" fades fast; "I want to and can't" is the regret. Do the thing now while you still can.

It's not something you're doing wrong and it's not something that's wrong with you, or your partner, whatever the case may be.
— Alex Stern

Put It Into Practice

If a friend or your spouse is going through infertility, practice listening without trying to fix — ask "what do you need?" instead of offering "it'll happen for you."

Pick one small home or car repair you've been avoiding, pull up a YouTube tutorial, and do it this week (start with something low-stakes like an oil change, not safety-critical work like brakes unless you're confident).

Set up a visible "countdown" for each kid (years left until ~18) so the limited time is in front of you when you don't feel like showing up.

Say yes to one thing your kid wants to do that pushes you out of your comfort zone (park, kids' gym, a crowd) this week.

Identify one task you keep dreading and just start it — name how much longer the dread is costing you than the task itself.

One Email a Week. Worth Your Time.

Practical skills, real stories, and one thing to actually do this week with your family. Written by a dad in the trenches, not a marketing department.

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