This is the first episode of The Skilled Dad, and Zach kicks it off with his friend Matt Cass — a former pastor of 15 years and a dad of one (almost two). The two reconnect on an idea they had seven years ago in Denver while expecting their first kids: a different kind of resource for dads. The conversation is about who you are versus what you do, why being present with your kids takes real discipline, and how working on your marriage is part of being a better father. It is honest, funny (there is a story about playing tag with underpants on your head), and practical — built around the idea that you only get one shot at each stage of your kid's life.
Matt spent 15 years being seen as "the pastor" until a group of friends finally saw him as just Matt. Knowing who you are at home makes you better at your job, not worse — and jobs aren't guaranteed, but your influence on your family is.
Task-driven men tend to give everything at work and come home drained. Presence with your kids doesn't happen by accident; it requires the same intentionality you bring to work, plus a willingness to listen to your spouse.
When Matt's daughter wanted to put underpants on their heads and play tag, he said yes instead of pushing the bedtime routine. Those small, ridiculous moments build the relationship and the memories.
Having a kid doesn't fix relationship problems — it exacerbates them. You're permanently connected to your child's other parent, so a strong marriage directly blesses your kid's life.
Every dad needs a band of brothers — people he can call at 2 AM in hard times and celebrate with in good times without being made fun of.
The window where kids say funny things and want to play with you is compressed into roughly 10 years. Find joy in the small, hard, repetitive things (rocking a bassinet, restroom trips) because you won't get them back.
I'm not what I do for eight hours a day. It's who I am to my daughter.
This week, when your kid suggests a silly idea before bedtime, say yes to it instead of redirecting to the routine.
Identify and reach out to one person who could be a "2 AM friend" — text or call them this week.
Ask your spouse one specific question about how they want to parent, and actually listen instead of trying to solve it.
Do the math on how many years you realistically have left of your kid's "fun stage," and write down one habit you'll change because of it.
Reframe one task you dread (bath time, a restroom run, a late-night routine) as a memory you'll want back later.
Practical skills, real stories, and one thing to actually do this week with your family. Written by a dad in the trenches, not a marketing department.
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