Zach sits down with Paul Thornton, a longtime leadership teacher, speaker, and author of over 25 books, to unpack the leadership styles Paul built his career on: directing, discussing, and delegating (the "three Ds"). Paul explains how the same styles he taught managers turned out to be the exact tools he needed as a father and grandfather, and that using the right style at the right time is what actually develops a kid into a capable, mature adult. The conversation moves between real boat-dock and hockey stories with Paul's grandkids and Zach's own coaching and parenting examples, drawing tight parallels between leading a team at work and leading a family at home. They also dig into feedback: asking for it, modeling how to receive it, and using it to lead yourself first. The throughline is that a parent's job, like a leader's, is to diagnose what will most help the person in front of you raise their game.
Directing (tell them exactly what to do), discussing (ask questions, involve them), and delegating (empower them to own the goal and plan) each fit a different level of maturity and experience. Using the right one grows the person.
A clueless beginner needs directing; someone with some experience can handle a discussion; a more mature person can be delegated to. Misjudging this either overwhelms them or stunts them.
Paul directed his grandson docking the boat, discussed it afterward, and two weeks later delegated it entirely ("here are the keys"). Repetition and reps are the point.
Multiple voices giving conflicting instructions (three coaches yelling, or shifting priorities every other day) makes people lock up and creates a confused, misaligned team.
Get clear on your core beliefs and values through reflection, feedback, and trial-and-error, then act in alignment day to day at work and at home.
Requesting feedback from your team, your class, your 10-year-old, or your spouse — and receiving it without getting defensive — reveals blind spots and teaches your kids the right way to handle feedback.
If I'm using the right style, it's helping the person grow and develop and mature and become a more capable adult, which is what we all want.
Pick one recurring situation with your kid this week and consciously choose one of the three Ds (direct, discuss, or delegate) based on their experience level — then notice how they respond.
Teach a new skill using the full progression: direct it step by step, then discuss it ("what did you do well? what would you change?"), then hand it off once they've got reps in.
Before your kid's next game, practice, or activity, ask "Are you working on anything in particular you want me to watch for?" — then give feedback only on that.
Ask for feedback from someone you lead this week (a team member, your 10-year-old, or your spouse): "What's one thing I could do differently to be more effective?" — and just say thank you.
Audit your priorities: if you've been shifting what's "important" every few days at home or work, pick and hold a clear focus so people aren't confused.
Practical skills, real stories, and one thing to actually do this week with your family. Written by a dad in the trenches, not a marketing department.
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