Zach sits down with Jared Haley — Colorado native, former pastor, current post-production manager in Florida, married 15 years with four kids (including twins), and co-host of the Strong By Design podcast. Jared's family has moved prayerfully across Colorado, Iowa, and now Clearwater, and this is his first season ever not on a church staff — which meant learning, for the first time, how to walk into a community as "regular old Joe" instead of the pastor. What his family did next is the heart of the episode: they flipped Halloween and delivered cookies to every neighbor instead of asking for candy, went old-school caroling at Christmas (to widespread confusion), won over the HOA lady who was mad about their moving pod, and spent an hour on a bench with a smoking neighbor who finally unloaded what he was carrying. Jared calls the whole posture "intentionally weird" — and it becomes the accidental title of the episode. From there the conversation moves through men's community (his Friday morning group, why isolation drives men crazy, and why you can't surround yourself with yes men), and lands on his parenting core: monkey see monkey do, kids actually want boundaries, and if you want well-adjusted kids, make the life you want for them normal inside your home — including the family dinner table that keeps drawing shocked compliments from strangers at restaurants.
Everyone peeks out and hides back in their houses. Proximity is a natural opener — cookies at Halloween, caroling at Christmas, a hello on the way past the bench. The relationships that came out of it (the HOA lady now brings his kids cupcakes) started with small, slightly weird moves.
Jared and his wife don't plan the neighbor outreach alone — they gather the kids and ask "how could we love our neighbors well?" The kids help decide, which builds the community AND the relationships inside the home at the same time.
People are on guard, waiting for the scam or the sales angle. If someone shuts you down, their reaction is usually displaced — you have no idea what they're carrying. Smile, keep saying good morning, and give it time.
The people around you either lift you up or tear you down, and pretending you're not influenced is a lie — "we're influenced and we're influencing." Find men who bring balance, not just the guy who always says "great, let's go."
Jared "prides himself on breaking people" — the grump on the production team, the guy at church who took two years to finally open up about his divorce. There's always a reason the wall is up; the goal isn't winning, it's helping the man behind it.
Kids mimic the life you actually live, not the one you talk about — Jared is already seeing his own bad habits show up in his 12-year-old. Make Jesus normal, make the table normal, make the behaviors you want them to carry into adulthood the everyday texture of the home.
Be bold, be intentionally weird.
Pick one neighbor you've never really talked to and bring them something this week — store-bought donuts count. The food is the icebreaker, not the point.
Gather your kids and ask them: "How could we love our neighbors well?" Let them pick the idea and run it together.
Audit your circle: is anyone in it willing to tell you you're talking crazy? If they're all yes men, go find the balance guy.
If you don't have a men's group, start the lowest-key version possible — Jared's is a Friday morning check-in, Zach's is a monthly no-agenda fire pit. Pick a recurring time and send the invite.
Eat dinner at the table, no screens, every night this week. If your kids melt down, that's the signal it matters — hold the boundary and repeat.
Practical skills, real stories, and one thing to actually do this week with your family. Written by a dad in the trenches, not a marketing department.
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