Zach talks with Kyle Gillette — founder of Blue Shirt Leadership Coaching, author, and dad of three girls (7, 10, and 12) in the Pacific Northwest. Kyle's road runs from a central-California orange farm (including the summer of pruning dead branches in 105-degree heat that convinced him farming wasn't his future) through kinesiology, a missions trip to India, and nine and a half years at a men's mentoring program for guys 18-25 rebuilding their lives after addiction — a job he took while 40 pounds overweight and afraid of adulthood, thinking "I'm the one that needs this." For nine of those years, the program's president — a serial entrepreneur who ran 30 businesses — took him to lunch every Tuesday and mentored him for ninety minutes: an MBA applied live. Out of all of it came the BLUE framework: Be a self-aware leader, Lead with accountability, Use a growth mindset, Empower others — a leadership house where self-awareness is the foundation, accountability is the nails, growth is the walls and roof, and empowerment is the windows and doors. The conversation lands hard on the dad applications: naming the head trash you talk to yourself with, empowering kids with clear expectations plus inspection (down to the armpit-sniff shower check), why the fruit of empowerment is kids who think for themselves, and Kyle's three blunt takeaways — put the phone down like it's a pack of cigarettes, keep sending the awkward text to build male friendship, and put your wife ahead of your kids.
The negative language men speak to themselves ("I suck," "I'm an idiot") programs less success than they should have. The presenting symptom (confidence, sales, leadership) usually hides a core belief underneath — surface it, learn the lesson, and drop the thousand pounds of baggage before trying to climb to the next level.
Self-awareness is the foundation, accountability is the nails holding it together, growth is the walls and roof, empowerment is the windows and doors. Dads build teams too — wife, kids, and all.
Kyle got a weekly ninety-minute lunch with a 30-business entrepreneur for nine years and applied it in real time. Nobody hands you that; you ask for it. And feeling unqualified doesn't disqualify you — Kyle took the mentoring job thinking he was the one who needed mentoring.
The awkward text to the friend who hasn't replied is the price of the friendship where two grown men cry at the U-Haul pods. Get over the awkwardness — the investment makes you a better dad and husband, and your kids see what healthy friendship looks like.
Leaving the two oldest home alone came with a specific list (piano, lunches, showers, dishwasher) and a check on return — "you don't expect what you don't inspect." Kids typically do better without a parent hovering, because they can't outsource the thinking. The real fruit of empowerment is people who think for themselves.
Kyle's bluntest takeaway — job-kids-wife or job-hobbies-kids-wife is a dangerous order, and the damage compounds over the long run. The kids come second, and that order actually protects them.
I can't look back. There is no option to look back. It's where we are and what we're doing, period.
Send the awkward text today — the guy you hung out with once, the friend who hasn't replied. Set up a time to do whatever hanging out looks like for the two of you.
Put the phone down during the hours your kids are awake and with you. Treat it like a pack of cigarettes — the secondhand smoke is their time.
Run one empowerment rep at home this week: give your kids a clear list, leave for 40 minutes, and inspect when you get back. Expectations first — unspoken expectations aren't fair.
Write down the exact sentence your head trash uses on you. Then ask what core belief is underneath it — that's the thing to work on.
Check your priority order honestly: if the kids (or the job, or the hobbies) have moved ahead of your wife, put a date on the calendar this week.
Practical skills, real stories, and one thing to actually do this week with your family. Written by a dad in the trenches, not a marketing department.
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