Zach's first seven-time-zone episode connects him with Alex Van De Sompele — "Mr. Vandy" to the fourth and fifth graders at his Stockholm school — an Iowa farm-town kid raising two American-Swedish babies in Sweden. Alex's backstory reads like it was scripted: born exactly one hundred years to the day after the great-grandfather who emigrated from Sweden, he jokingly pointed at a map during ministry school in Redding and called his shot — "I'm gonna meet my wife right there" — then did, on the trip's first meeting. Married in 2016, in Stockholm by 2017, and a dad by 2020, Alex walks Zach through the wildest welcome to fatherhood on the show so far: an emergency C-section after fourteen hours of labor, strangers throwing scrubs at him in a language he didn't speak, and his laboring wife pausing to translate and reassure him. From there the conversation becomes a two-way cultural exchange — Sweden's staggering 400 days of parental leave and why abundance still demands presence, a culture where fatherhood is treated as optional and giving a buddy honest advice is taboo (Alex dropped 35 pounds and not one person mentioned it), and why raising kids abroad forced him to define his values on purpose instead of letting culture do it for him. Alex's takeaways land hard for any dad: adversity introduces a man to himself, you've been renting patience until a kid makes you own it, and you are not always the answer — your job is teaching them how to think, not what to think.
Alex's real self showed up in the operating theater, and again the first night his daughter spiked a fever during understaffed COVID hospitals. You find out who you are when your kid is the one going through it — and "anybody but her" becomes the loudest thought in your head.
Alex thought he had patience down — relaxed guy, nothing gets to him. Then came a screaming newborn and a wife on bedrest. Patience in the moment is a different asset than patience in theory, and the transfer of ownership happens fast.
Sweden gives Alex over 400 days of paid parental leave — and his discipline is to treat each one like the only one he's got. Whatever your version of 400 days is, it's finite, and the moment only counts if you're in it.
Living abroad stripped away the assumption that culture would reinforce what Alex believes — responsibility, discipline, even Dr. Seuss. His rule: "It's gonna be on purpose, not because culture says so." That applies just as much to dads surrounded by their own culture.
In Sweden, giving life advice is taboo — nobody said a word about Alex's 35-pound transformation. He misses iron sharpening iron, and his pastor's rule explains why it works back home: you have to put equity into the relationship before you can make a withdrawal.
The strategic planner in Alex had to swallow that his wife, a teacher, or a pastor will sometimes be the better answer for his kids. Match your reaction to the size of the problem (kids mirror you), ask "what do you think?" before handing over solutions, and remember Zach's leadership crossover: if we always give the answer, we will always get the question.
Adversity introduces a man to himself. And so does having a kid.
Run the presence test tonight: whatever time you get with your kids today, treat it like the only day you've been allotted — phone down, all in.
Name your patience gap: write down the one recurring moment where you're still "renting" patience, and own one calmer rep this week.
List the 2-3 values you want your kids to carry — then pick one thing you'll do on purpose this month to build it, instead of hoping culture or school does it for you.
Make a deposit before you need a withdrawal: invest in one friendship this week where you'd want the right to speak honestly later — and tell a buddy something true, good or corrective.
Next time your kid brings you a problem, don't answer. Ask "what do you think?" and make them offer two possible solutions first.
Practical skills, real stories, and one thing to actually do this week with your family. Written by a dad in the trenches, not a marketing department.
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