Zach sits down with Andrew Harshey — his co-coach from the season's youth soccer team and a guest eleven years in the making — for the show's first "bonus dad" episode. Andrew traces the road from pre-med washout to furniture delivery guy to road-warrior sales rep for Discovery Education, racking up 1.4 million hotel points and loving the single-guy travel life — until he matched with his now-wife Kristen on Hinge the day after Thanksgiving 2018. She had a three-year-old son, H, a fact that slipped into conversation mid-fart-joke, and instead of panic Andrew just rolled with it. He met H on the grassy hill at Arrington Vineyards, played with him for hours, and everything changed: the travel lost its shine, he moved to Columbia in March 2020 right as the pandemic locked the three of them in together, and by November they'd pulled off a 25-person wedding with a hand-built tunnel of lights on the farmhouse porch. The heart of the episode is Andrew's honest take on the bonus dad role — why the word "bonus" beats "step," why you can't force the relationship, how woodworking projects became his way into H's world, and the quiet ache of carrying all the responsibilities of fatherhood without always getting the run-down-the-porch glory moments. Zach brings the other side of the story: he grew up with a bonus dad himself, and confirms what Andrew hopes is true — the influence lands just as heavy, sometimes heavier. It closes with the three of them — Andrew, H, and H's biological dad — headed to a soccer game together for Father's Day.
"Bonus dad" isn't a cute rebrand of "stepdad"; it's a deliberate rejection of the evil-stepparent connotation. You're not a replacement or an intruder — you're an awesome additional figure in the kid's life. The label you choose sets the mindset you parent from.
Andrew never tried to walk in and claim ground as "the new dad." The relationship had to grow authentically — his job was to put himself in position to be there and show up. Guys who come in claiming territory rarely make it work.
Andrew's way into H's world was woodworking — step stools, birdhouses, a storage bench. The project is the excuse; the connection is the point. He even built conversation prompts into each build: responsibility, taking care of living things, all the doors a birdhouse can open.
The hardest part of bonus fatherhood: you carry the full weight of the job without always getting the moments — the kid screaming "Dad!" and sprinting out the door belongs to someone else. And you get a proxy vote, not final say. Do the work anyway; the impact is real even when the applause isn't.
Andrew went from justifying his job by living on the road to resenting every night in an Evansville courtyard hotel within months of meeting Kristen and H. He once drove ten hours round-trip between meetings just to be at H's fourth birthday. When life hands you the thing you were actually looking for, reorganize around it.
H tells strangers "I have two dads" — and Andrew celebrates it. The episode ends with Andrew, H, and H's biological dad spending Father's Day together at a soccer game. The kid wins when the adults refuse to compete.
He doesn't remember a time before me. So in my head, I've missed all of these things. But in his head, I've always been around.
Swap your language this week: retire "step" and try "bonus" — with your kid, your spouse, and how you talk about yourself.
Pick one hands-on project to do with your kid this month — a step stool, a birdhouse, anything with scrap wood — and let the build carry the conversation.
If you're a bonus dad, stop keeping score on the glory moments. Write down one way you showed up this week that nobody clapped for — that's the job.
If your kid has another dad figure, make one team-first move: a shared outing, a text, a Father's Day plan that includes him.
Feeling isolated in the bonus dad role? Reach out — email zach@skilleddad.com and get connected with guys walking the same road.
Practical skills, real stories, and one thing to actually do this week with your family. Written by a dad in the trenches, not a marketing department.
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